Your Birth Experience Matters

How doula support in birth can make a difference

I was bound and determined that my first pregnancy and birth experience would go totally as planned. I took the vitamins, ate nourishing foods (with a side of ice cream every now and then) and exercised often. My husband and I took a lengthy birth class, and we wrote a cute, detailed birth plan. We knew what we wanted - a natural birth - and we thought that was enough. 

And then my pregnancy went past 40 weeks.

My provider started getting antsy. Friends and family started checking in constantly, asking when the induction was scheduled. The closer and closer we crept to 41 (and then 42) weeks, the more and more pressure we felt from every angle. In those last couple weeks, it seemed like we never stopped asking questions, researching statistics, walking the neighborhood or waiting for that first contraction. 

And when that first contraction did finally happen, a difficult 48-hour labor followed. Our perfect miracle baby was born by cesarean section exactly two weeks past her due date. Not one single thing went according to our cute, detailed birth plan. And although my gratitude for health and safety was overflowing, I had a deep confusion and a grave pit in my stomach wondering why I didn’t have the experience I’d so longed for.

Fast forward two years through a couple of career changes, learning to nurse, a move across the country and a million sticky kisses – we were expecting another bundle of love. I felt like I had conquered one mountain with the first birth, and this time I’d get the experience of my dreams because I knew better. I followed some advice from other mothers and my new healthcare provider like taking a different birth class, reading a few popular birthing books and focusing on meditation and relaxation. Looking back, I can see there was even more advice I didn’t take like hiring a doula, seeing a chiropractor or unpacking the upset and fear that the first birth left behind. 

Aside from feeling a little more prepared, this second birth experience was almost identical to the first. A 42-week pregnancy turned into a very long, drawn out, even more painful labor. Without one line of our birth plan being followed, our perfectly perfect baby was born by cesarean section. Again, the thankfulness was abounding, but the guilt, confusion and disappointment were even deeper and darker this time. 

Another two years down the road, this time filled with a longer period of baby blues, much less sleep and a house full of chaos and laughter, baby number three was on the way. Feeling like this could be my last chance for the birth of my dreams, I knew I had to pull out all the stops. I still clung to my ability to birth a baby naturally and decided I would take all of the sage advice offered to me. I started seeing a mental health therapist, had monthly visits with a chiropractor and listened to every relatable birth story I could get my hands on.

And we hired a birth doula.

During the first two pregnancies, my husband and I felt like we wanted the birthing space to be private. We’d heard stories about doulas asserting too much control or offering a sort of mystical experience. We wanted neither but didn’t do enough research to find out what a doula actually offers. 

For the third pregnancy, however, we did our research. We conducted several free consultations and found someone who really felt like a natural fit. She listened intently to our experiences, affirmed all of our feelings and fears and helped us make sense of the unanswered questions we had. Our doula also helped us develop our birth plan and think of questions to ask our provider. She taught us coping strategies for early labor and guided us as we approached another 41-week pregnancy. She was our first call when labor started, and she was the first person to meet us at the hospital that snowy February night. Our doula held my hand, put my hair up, reminded my husband how to best support me and was my cheerleader every second until I caught my baby girl and brought her to my chest. 

Just as I always imagined it would be. 

Our doula was many things to us, most importantly a support when it seemed the rest of our circle wasn’t sure what we wanted was possible. And I was so moved and changed by the experience, that I became a certified, practicing doula, too.

Regardless of the kind of birth experience you’re imaging, a doula will listen, encourage and affirm. Doulas help you understand procedures and make informed decisions. Doulas train and support birth partners. Doulas offer a calm, reassuring presence. And doulas are a bridge to other forms of care both before and after your baby is born. Because, most of all, doulas want you to know that your birth experience matters, your intuition is mighty and you will always be supported.